He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
