i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
