this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
