Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
