The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
