Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
