So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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