You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
