We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
