Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
