i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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