it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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