i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
