im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
