He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
