before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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