I cockslap morals
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
