Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
