do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
