went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I had to cum in my sink.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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