im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
