Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
