i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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