I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
