Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
