someone threw a dead crab at me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ugly people sure do ruin things
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
