You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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