I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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