even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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