I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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