if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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