We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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