Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
