She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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