Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
