Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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