It's like God shit irony all over that family
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
