She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
