if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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