I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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