Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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