youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
