It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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