Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
