I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
