We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
