All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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