so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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