Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
