Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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