once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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