I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
pray to the hookup gods
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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